I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
