I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bring money and cleavage
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
