life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
