You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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