i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
