I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
