i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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