We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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