we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
