i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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