Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
