They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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