OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
