I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it because I queefed?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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