i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
