champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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