her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FUCK WHALES
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