you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
