she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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