Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i love accidental penises.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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