i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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