I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
