Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
