Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
