You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
