Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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