evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your penis caused this!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
