she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
