I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
