if you like me you must not know who I am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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