I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
