you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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