I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
