Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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