Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
