All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
