hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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