I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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