hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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