sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
