Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How naked do you want me to be?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
