Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have post one night stand depression
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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