oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
