Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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