would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
