JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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