Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We need to get me chipped asap
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
