but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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