don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
