Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
