He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
