How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
