please come you make the beer taste better
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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