I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
