and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
