I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
