I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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