There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
