it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
